Dealing with any kind of loss can be easy or difficult often depending on what you were taught as a child. I have been through many changes in my life recently. Each new thing has been at the cost of something lost. I do not regret my move to join my family in North Carolina but at the same time I have had to deal with the loss of many things, including my beloved Basset Hound Rocky.
Four days before leaving California, I sat in an empty house. All belongs had been packed and shipped. Surrounded by my pets and the few things that were to be loaded in the car, we all shared an air mattress on the floor. Our lives changed forever between 2:00am and 5:00am. Three hours of terror that ended with Rocky being put to sleep while he lie in my arms in a lonely exam room at the emergency vet hospital. If ever I had to draw a picture of what it felt like to be desperately lonely, this would be it.
Like most of you, I have dealt with losses throughout my life. I was always taught to "just get over it". But this time my heart and spirit were shattered. Rocky had taught me many things in his short 6 year life. He was still teaching me after his death; when we loose something we love, we must grieve. The "I'm tough enough to take it thing" just wasn't going to work this time.
My closest friends (all dog people) visited, bought me gifts and cards and did their best to let me know they shared my pain. But even while my heart was breaking, I confess I thought to myself; they are acting silly. After all Rocky was a dog and it was not proper for me show that kind of pain over a dog. I was wrong. They were right and I am so grateful they cared enough to show me how they felt. It is OK to feel bad when you loose something you love. It is OK to hurt when your heart is breaking. And, it is OK to show it.
So, how do you deal with the loss of a pet? The same way you deal with the loss of anything. And that way may not be the way you were taught as a child. I am sure the adults in my life had no idea the future damage it would do when they taught me to ignore the pain and heartbreak of loss. Because not showing pain also means not showing joy. Because not showing heartache also means not showing love. Loosing Rocky is what it took to break my heart. Having a broken heart is what it took for me to pay attention when I heard Russell Friedman being interviewed on the radio.
Russell P. Friedman is the executive director of the Grief Recovery Institute. The radio show invited callers to ask Mr. Friedman questions. Though it was all interesting, I was drawn in by one caller who asked about getting over the loss of their dog. Mr. Friedman made it clear to the audience that the loss of a pet could be just as devastating as the loss of anyone or anything in your life. Grieving over a loss has to do with losing the relationship we had with something, not someone else's judgment of weather or not the relationship is worthy of grieving over.
Dear Rocky,
Thank-you for all the love and laughter you shared with me while you lived. Thank-you for the pain that you shared with me at the time of your death. Having known both has show me the way to properly start dealing with all the loses I have know throughout my life. I will love you forever.
Love Mom
We are currently living through an era of uncertainty and change. If you have not lost something recently then you probably know someone who has. No judgment over the what; a job, a home, a friend, a loved one, a pet, or financial security. A loss, is a loss. Go to this website and learn how to grief and/or how to help those that are grieving.
Grief Recovery Institute
In conclusion, I will tell you that as I wrote this article about Rocky, I cried because it still hurts; and that is OK. If you think it is silly to cry over the loss of a pet then, you are reading the wrong blog.
Four days before leaving California, I sat in an empty house. All belongs had been packed and shipped. Surrounded by my pets and the few things that were to be loaded in the car, we all shared an air mattress on the floor. Our lives changed forever between 2:00am and 5:00am. Three hours of terror that ended with Rocky being put to sleep while he lie in my arms in a lonely exam room at the emergency vet hospital. If ever I had to draw a picture of what it felt like to be desperately lonely, this would be it.
Like most of you, I have dealt with losses throughout my life. I was always taught to "just get over it". But this time my heart and spirit were shattered. Rocky had taught me many things in his short 6 year life. He was still teaching me after his death; when we loose something we love, we must grieve. The "I'm tough enough to take it thing" just wasn't going to work this time.
My closest friends (all dog people) visited, bought me gifts and cards and did their best to let me know they shared my pain. But even while my heart was breaking, I confess I thought to myself; they are acting silly. After all Rocky was a dog and it was not proper for me show that kind of pain over a dog. I was wrong. They were right and I am so grateful they cared enough to show me how they felt. It is OK to feel bad when you loose something you love. It is OK to hurt when your heart is breaking. And, it is OK to show it.
So, how do you deal with the loss of a pet? The same way you deal with the loss of anything. And that way may not be the way you were taught as a child. I am sure the adults in my life had no idea the future damage it would do when they taught me to ignore the pain and heartbreak of loss. Because not showing pain also means not showing joy. Because not showing heartache also means not showing love. Loosing Rocky is what it took to break my heart. Having a broken heart is what it took for me to pay attention when I heard Russell Friedman being interviewed on the radio.
Russell P. Friedman is the executive director of the Grief Recovery Institute. The radio show invited callers to ask Mr. Friedman questions. Though it was all interesting, I was drawn in by one caller who asked about getting over the loss of their dog. Mr. Friedman made it clear to the audience that the loss of a pet could be just as devastating as the loss of anyone or anything in your life. Grieving over a loss has to do with losing the relationship we had with something, not someone else's judgment of weather or not the relationship is worthy of grieving over.
Dear Rocky,
Thank-you for all the love and laughter you shared with me while you lived. Thank-you for the pain that you shared with me at the time of your death. Having known both has show me the way to properly start dealing with all the loses I have know throughout my life. I will love you forever.
Love Mom
We are currently living through an era of uncertainty and change. If you have not lost something recently then you probably know someone who has. No judgment over the what; a job, a home, a friend, a loved one, a pet, or financial security. A loss, is a loss. Go to this website and learn how to grief and/or how to help those that are grieving.
Grief Recovery Institute
In conclusion, I will tell you that as I wrote this article about Rocky, I cried because it still hurts; and that is OK. If you think it is silly to cry over the loss of a pet then, you are reading the wrong blog.
1 comment:
My name is Russell Friedman and I want to acknowledge Eleanor Scheidemann and Talk To the Paw.
I've done thousands of radio interviews, many times at 5 in the morning here in Los Angeles, talking to people who are fully awake back East.
I never know who's listening or how they are affected by what I say. I just know that if we can get people to hear that grief is the normal and natural reaction to loss of all kinds, and that recovery or completion of the pain is possible, then it is worth it for me to get up at any hour of the morning or night to talk to the hearts of the people who need to hear it.
Also, we’d like to let everyone know, that our next book will deal exclusively with Pet Loss and will be a totally comprehensive and helpful book for all grieving pet owners.
Thanks again,
Russell Friedman
www.grief.net
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