How to Deal With The Loss of a Pet

Dealing with any kind of loss can be easy or difficult often depending on what you were taught as a child. I have been through many changes in my life recently. Each new thing has been at the cost of something lost. I do not regret my move to join my family in North Carolina but at the same time I have had to deal with the loss of many things, including my beloved Basset Hound Rocky.

Four days before leaving California, I sat in an empty house. All belongs had been packed and shipped. Surrounded by my pets and the few things that were to be loaded in the car, we all shared an air mattress on the floor. Our lives changed forever between 2:00am and 5:00am. Three hours of terror that ended with Rocky being put to sleep while he lie in my arms in a lonely exam room at the emergency vet hospital. If ever I had to draw a picture of what it felt like to be desperately lonely, this would be it.

Like most of you, I have dealt with losses throughout my life. I was always taught to "just get over it". But this time my heart and spirit were shattered. Rocky had taught me many things in his short 6 year life. He was still teaching me after his death; when we loose something we love, we must grieve. The "I'm tough enough to take it thing" just wasn't going to work this time.

My closest friends (all dog people) visited, bought me gifts and cards and did their best to let me know they shared my pain. But even while my heart was breaking, I confess I thought to myself; they are acting silly. After all Rocky was a dog and it was not proper for me show that kind of pain over a dog. I was wrong. They were right and I am so grateful they cared enough to show me how they felt. It is OK to feel bad when you loose something you love. It is OK to hurt when your heart is breaking. And, it is OK to show it.

So, how do you deal with the loss of a pet? The same way you deal with the loss of anything. And that way may not be the way you were taught as a child. I am sure the adults in my life had no idea the future damage it would do when they taught me to ignore the pain and heartbreak of loss. Because not showing pain also means not showing joy. Because not showing heartache also means not showing love. Loosing Rocky is what it took to break my heart. Having a broken heart is what it took for me to pay attention when I heard Russell Friedman being interviewed on the radio.

Russell P. Friedman is the executive director of the Grief Recovery Institute. The radio show invited callers to ask Mr. Friedman questions. Though it was all interesting, I was drawn in by one caller who asked about getting over the loss of their dog. Mr. Friedman made it clear to the audience that the loss of a pet could be just as devastating as the loss of anyone or anything in your life. Grieving over a loss has to do with losing the relationship we had with something, not someone else's judgment of weather or not the relationship is worthy of grieving over.

Dear Rocky,
Thank-you for all the love and laughter you shared with me while you lived. Thank-you for the pain that you shared with me at the time of your death. Having known both has show me the way to properly start dealing with all the loses I have know throughout my life. I will love you forever.
Love Mom

We are currently living through an era of uncertainty and change. If you have not lost something recently then you probably know someone who has. No judgment over the what; a job, a home, a friend, a loved one, a pet, or financial security. A loss, is a loss. Go to this website and learn how to grief and/or how to help those that are grieving.

Grief Recovery Institute

In conclusion, I will tell you that as I wrote this article about Rocky, I cried because it still hurts; and that is OK. If you think it is silly to cry over the loss of a pet then, you are reading the wrong blog.

Why do we like dogs?

I was asked to give a presentation to a graduate physiology class on the effect of dogs in the home at different human developmental stages. While researching for this subject I found many delightful facts from recent behavioral studies. I couldn’t wait to share the information and see if you come to the same conclusion as I did.

Do people like dogs? This question is easy to answer by looking at statistics that show dog owners behaviors.

• There are 74 million owned dogs in the US.
• The average is 1.8 dogs per household totaling over 41 million households.
• 50% of dog owners buy Christmas gifts for their dogs.
• 70% of dog owners call themselves mommy, daddy or parent to their dogs.
• When household budgets are cut women are least likely to; give up manicures and reduce the quality of their dog’s food to save money.

Those of us who are among the 41 million dog owners do not find these statistics unusual. But have you ever thought seriously about what dogs actually do for people?
Owing a pet can affect the quality of life at every stage of human development.

Infant/Toddlers

With the proper supervision pets enrich the environment of infants. By doing so children show; improved cognitive development, increased stimulation to their immune system (resulting in less dermatitis and allergies), and they learn compassion and responsibility toward animals.

Pre-adolescent/Adolescents

Adolescents show; increased self esteem, positive communication skills, and responsibility and compassion toward animals. Studies show improved social interactions and higher scores on empathy and pro-social scales.

Adults/Middle-aged

They offer companionship for single adults. For young adults they provide practice for parenting skills and they fill the empty nest loneliness by substituting for children in childless households.

Seniors

Aging seniors receive much needed companionship. They show greater independence while sustaining a purposeful life. Pets promote social interaction encouraging a more active life.

Disabled/Disadvantaged

Trained service dogs provide independence. They increase self esteem and provide a venue for social interaction improving social skills. For many they offer psychological stability.

In addition there are many beneficial health effects that are related to having a close relationship with a pet:

• Lower blood pressure
• Lower cholesterol levels
• Increase illness survival rate
• Fewer doctor visits
• Improved ability to cope with stress/illness/tragedy
• Assistance in fighting depression
• Minimizing tension between family members
• Help prevent heart disease


Having a pet can be a beneficial symbiotic relationship that we are just beginning to understand. But the question remains; WHY do people really like dogs?

My theory is that dogs fulfill our most basic needs for validation and affection. In other words; the need to be right (dogs never tell us we’re wrong) and the need to be loved (they offer unconditional affection). Or do they?

In my experience, a dog doesn’t do anything unconditionally! But we perceive they do and that is what is important. Our perception of their forgiving honest nature allows us to love them unconditionally. And, anything that increases our ability to love has got to be a good thing.

Four Easy Ways to Ruin a Dog

I talk to dog owners every day. Yet I have never met one that brought a cute, loving puppy into their home with the intention of surrendering the dog 9 to 12 months later because they could not stand him. But yet, it remains a fact that more dogs are put to death because of behavior problems than accidents and disease. An out-of-control adolescent dog is hard to re-home. Nobody wants a bad dog. Many do not want the cost of fixing a dog gone bad at their own hand.

The good news for me is, some do. That is how I stay in business. Though, I would much prefer earning my living by teaching dog owners what to do right from the beginning, at least for the dog's sake. This being said, most of my business comes from dog owners and rescue groups trying to rehabilitate a dog after the damage has been done.

The shear number of surrendered dogs alone tells me that many of you are not aware of how easy it is to ruin a dog. So, I have taken the time to list four easy methods below.